Bringing it back to my Roots.

Growing up I always struggled in school. I always needed extra help in math and it always took more time for me to understand things. I almost failed math a couple of times. My Grandma taught me different ways of doing math like touch points and doing the nine times table on your fingers. It was not until I got to college that I took matters into my own hands. I was the flash card Queen. I do not think that I could have passed German without the million flash card that I made. I made the Deans List, which is a really big deal because I worked SO hard. Anyways, this is not to brag but it is to thank God for those opportunities to struggle and learn in different ways.

In India they only teach in "black and white". I bring color to the kids that are struggling. I am able to teach them different ways of learning so that they will be able to understand. There are 35 kids in a class. Most of them are really naughty. They are being taught in English, but go home to parents that only speak Hindi. I feel so bad for them. One of my boys, Thapa, can not add and he is in third grade. We just finished exams and the boys did really well with all the colorful flash cards that I made them. I am working really hard to help these students. It is really cool to see how excited the kids get when they are finally able to understand.

Thank you Grandma, Mrs. Pool, and my Dad for being so patient with me.

Kiran Uncle, My Hero

I wish that I had half the heart of Kiran.

The boys all live in houses with a family that takes care of them. Kiran and his wife Ruth have been here for around 10 years. They have a son and a daughter on top of the 12 boys. I love my boys, but they can be naughty at times and we are only with them for short periods of time and then we are able to find peace in our own house. Kiran and his wife are amazing with the boys. He is so kind to them and is always encouraging them. They are with them 24/7. The other weekend we were on duty to watch them. We had Monday off, but they still asked us to watch them for the night. My heart was not right and I was upset because we really were not planning on having to watch them.

At 9:00 when we where putting the boys to bed we saw headlights, very rare since there are not many cars on the farm, in comes Kiran and his family from their night out. We hear all the boys, that we just put to sleep making all this noise. We came out and Kiran was shining like a light bulb. I thought that he bought a new car. But, actually he bought a game for the boys and he was so excited that they liked it. I have never seen someone so happy for giving a gift to someone else. The boys are so blessed to have him as their house parents and I am blessed to be around them. They are amazing and the most selfless couple that I have ever met.

my life with ants.

There are ants everywhere!!!

They found the sugar that I hid. There was a whole parade marching to our candy dish. They are all over my bed. I had to move my bed away from the window because they were coming in. There is this chalk that you draw two lines around where they are coming in and it kills them. I had to get another piece the other day and visualized drawing a line around my heart to keep out sin. I am trying to run the good race and I feel that I struggle so much with sin. I am so selfish, self-centered and angry at times. I would love to poison my sin with this chalk. Yet, it was Jesus's blood that protects me!

I do not need chalk... I need more of Jesus.

yet, but, instead

I had a really good weekend with the girls.

We talked over what we are feeling. We are struggling and feeling that we are not doing enough.
Yet....I help Suzanna everyday after working with the boys and being at school. I am usually so tried when I go over there, after some chai I am better. Yet her brother needs a lot of help and I feel like I do not have enough time to do it. Yet what else am I doing. I feel so selfish that I do spend more time and help him.
Instead.... Instead of being a teacher I only have 6 students the whole day. Instead of being in all the assemblies I am only planning them. Instead of being in the slums I am living on a beautiful farm. Instead of helping children in life and death situations I am helping boys do their homework.
But .... I am not suffering. We have running water, a pool, and three meals a day. I am doing well, but isn't missions supposed to be hard? But, I love it here.
After talking to the girls as they too go through the same struggles God gave me peace. Suzanna did not know any English a year ago, now she is reading, and did her whole Little Mermaid worksheet all by herself! I love the kids that I am working with a school. They are learning and laughing at the same time. And, last Amanda's brother gave her really good advise, " Even though there is a need-doesn't mean that it is your calling." still..

Please pray for all those in India.

Somewhere over the rainbow.....

skys change color all the time

crows scream

you can always hear laughter or singing

boys do not need I-pods, but will use a bucket and toothbrushes as musical instruments for their dance parties

the meals never change

nobody knows or cares what an I-Phone is

there are leaves that are the size of children

blue eyes are a rare sight.

I have found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

busy, busy, busy

I am getting into the swing of things now being here a week. I am woken up at 6 by the buses that go and pick up the kids in the village and then school starts at 8. I am on a mission to kill all of the ants that have tried to take over my kitchen. I help led Assembly ( we sing songs and share about Jesus) with the younger class and Kalana and I are going to be planning out the Assembly for the rest of the school. In the morning I work with 4 students in Kindergarden that are having trouble in class. They are sooo cute! Joy, one of the little guys, is a little cross-eyed and wears these little glasses. You would think that he got dressed in the dark. He always messes up his buttons on his shirt and looks a little out of it. Instead of saying; "okay" they say"tk". I am trying to switch, but I realized that I say"okay, okay, okay" all the time, after I heard Joy telling the others "okay, okay, okay". In the after noon I work with 2-3 students from first grade. They do not know haw to read, add, or the what the letters sound like. I have my work cut of for me with those two. The rest of the school day is spent in classes reading stories and doing fun work sheets.

After school we are with the boys, which is my favorite. I am now doing homework with just two of the boys because there are more volunteers. It will work out better that way because we can really pour into them. I am going to start reading with Shubaum. Poor kid will have to read all the classics with me, since I never read them in high school ( I rather of just payed Diane to do them).

At night we review homework and read stories. They love al my American goodies- the white board and fun tooth paste are a hit.

I love being able to be a part of their lives. I do not think they realize how important they are too me.

Kalana, one of the volunteers the other day said, "I love it so much here!" I agree.

...and she does it through grace.

"What am I doing here?" What am I doing here?"

I have been asking myself that the last week. The other day we had to put on a little skit at school and I was the lazy servant in the story of the Faithful servants. Someone made the comment that I am,"really good at being bad." WHAT? I thought that I was doing good. I was loving the Lord, going to Bible study, helping at the homeless shelter, and going to church. I thought that I was on the right path. Then I came here and I feel so lost. I do not know all the songs, verses, and stories. I can not put on a half an hour skit about Jesus at a drop of a hat, led Sunday school, or devotions.

Do I need all those things? Am I a good Christian? What does that even mean?

I have been reading The Shack again and have been really thinking. Jesus in the book says to Mack about God,

"Only Papa can work all this out, and she does it with grace."

No matter what I do or do not do, it is through grace that I am saved!

So, What am I doing here?

I am trying to love these boys to the best of my ability as Jesus mold and changes me.