Will I ever fit in?

one of the girls from my class
all the girls

at the wedding

No matter how hard I try I do not think that I will ever fit in. It is hard to look around and never see anyone, besides the other volunteers, that looks like me. I henna my hair, wear bangles, and try to rock the kurtas, but without success. The whole sari thing is a different story, I am always pulling, tugging, pinning, and complaining, it just doesn’t work.

We went to a wedding over the weekend, and I felt like an animal. Everyone was looking, pointing, and taking pictures with their cameras ( you know that those never turn out good). They all want to practice their one English phase with us, "Hello, How are you?" It is fine if it is only one person, but there was so many people. I do not like attention and felt really uncomfortable.

On the farm it is a different story. The boys all accept us and do not treat us differently. I keep trying to get the boys think that we look like family. Even though I wear the same color sweaters, Bharat will not say that we look the same. (Maybe if I give him a toffee it would be a different story.) But the longer that I am here I can see that we are beginning to mold together. They use the word "potty" and speak English to each other, where they used to only speak Hindi. They have learned so much from all the stories that we told them, the books that we have read, and the visitors that have come.

I was very encouraged this week to see how hard all the boys are working. If they finish their school work early we have been making packets of extra work that they can do. They have been reviewing, reading, and studying so hard. The boys were not excited when I told them that I had extra division work that they had to do, but when I put a piece of construction paper and a sticker on the packets of division worksheets, they were all about it.

As I was sitting the other day in the yard doing school work with the boys I realized what an amazing opportunity it is to be sharing life with these boys. I asked Amanda, "How will I ever be able to leave this place?"

Even though I will never look like them and at times feel like a circus animal, on the farm I feel like I am part of a family.